ive never been one for drama..but he said…he’d never hurt me
but he has. i got into this thing thinking i could handle it. Thought immersing myself in the drama, just tipping my toe in for a second could cause me no harm. I forgot i was an empath. I forgot how i was a day dreamer. I got caught up. And then i wanted out. BADLY. so i lied. It was hilarious. I have know participated fully in the drama. The only thing i haven’t done is gone down to meet this silly chick. And i should.. but the one thing i haven’t told either one of them.
Them being he (my 3yr boyfriend) and she (the mistress) is that i have been out of this relationship going through the motions for some time now. Some time (like 2 years) and she contacting me dragged me right back into the middle of something i really didn’t want a part of. I got emotional. I got sucked in and then i realized. I got made a fool of. And i (being the author the fool) realized this chick had been reading my blog. The blog i now no longer keep because she (the mistress) has been going back the 5 years i have kept it and reading my life and using it against me. I read my blog and then read hers, then read her blog again and then read me and realized. She reads my blog and much like the young writer i used to be who used to study Nikki Giovanni and Langston Hughes and then copycat the stylistic points i liked ; she writes a blog similar to mine only…. she copies my style. The poems the entries are mirror like and oddly scary.
This chick not only says she fucks “my man” (remember im out >remember…) but she’s fucking me. Mentally and blogally. And in that aspect this non identity having chick has GOT me Good… and she’s giving me the shaft in a major way.. So how did the blog i used to start as cartharsis after a major breakup and then used to loosely chronicle my life (b/c i never wrote it all) how did that become a weapon of mass destruction??
now he’s upset, and she’s lost and i’m feeling freerer every day that i realize.. I’ve been sucked into a maxtrix by looney tunes and i in the end will triumph over this hurdle.. so i am good.. i’m just wondering how i allowed my self to be sucked in .. i mean.. i only wanted to dip my toe in.. how did i fall into the water??
